I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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