Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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