12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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