So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
