the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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