The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Boobs speak an international language.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
