The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
