I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize