booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
