Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
