sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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