Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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