i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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