I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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