i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
