I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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