He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
