I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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