Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
