I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
