i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dignity is for republicans.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize