Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
