I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
