I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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