I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
