I feel like abortions should bother me more
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
