Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
