if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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