It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
