is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
