i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
