The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
