I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
