And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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