is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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