I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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