Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
