1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
