my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
