unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
