I am in a vortex of obligation.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize