her vagine was all disorganized.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
