I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
