Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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