I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Green mimosas i think yes
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
