half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
