Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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