I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
