mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
