You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
