I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
