my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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