Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
