We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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