"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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