Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize