If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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