he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You ate ashes out of my bong
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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