a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
