What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
