he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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