my mouth tastes like poor choices
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
