My nipple is on Facebook.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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