is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
