Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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