I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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