Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
